Guilt

Forwarning: This post is basically me whining
Today I am 11 weeks pregnant and I am FREAKING out. I don't think its due to the fact that I am pregnant that I am freaking out, but more the effects of being pregnant. I HATE morning sickness! bleh I thought last time this was hard but boy was I wrong. Last time I just had the guilt of not entertaining my poor husband. This time I am having the struggle of trying to entertain him and my 16month old daughter. This is not going over well. There is also the guilt of not spending enough time with Sadie girl and then the time when I am with her I am not fun mommy, I am grouchy vomiting mommy who is always on the verge of tears. Sadie is also getting her molars in so the last few days have not been at all pleasant. She has also decided that she does not need a nap and throws these fits that I could never imagine that "my sweet precious baby girl" could ever do. Not to mention getting her to bed at night has also been a nightmare. Meds in her and she throws another fit that I have no idea whats wrong, I don't know if she is hurting or what but I panic thinking is she hurt is she sick, then the logical side of me says she is just throwing a fit and it will pass but the guilt of maybe something is wrong does not pass.
I have guilt that I wish April would hurry and get here but then think that's not fair because I am wishing away Sadies littleness. I am envious of people here at work with their new babies and think boy I wish I could have mine now. But then I dream that I am not grateful for this wonderful gift that I have been given so there is an irrational fear that it will be taken away. I feel bad because I should be so happy to feel this YUCKY.
I also have guilt because I know that I need to become an active member of our church. I believe it but it is so hard to get my butt there on Sunday mornings when I am struggling to even function. Not to mention that the thought of trying to wrestle Sadie the whole time while trying to control the nausea is terrifying. I also know that I am just making an excuse and just need to go.
If anyone reads this know that I know I am losing my mind and at this point I think I am OK with it. Prozac anyone?